all love, bitter heart.

2012-02-09T15:16:00.001+08:00

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空。

2012-02-07T22:52:00.002+08:00

thanks for making me understand everything.

keeping my resolution in mind: not let things/people affect my mood because after going through so much, i have learnt that being indifferent is the best way to cope.

i will get through this period, and if i ever do, i have so so so many people to thank. love you people! we can go PUTIEN for celebration ok. HAHAHAHHA.

im thinking of giving my whole family a treat as well! 10 including myself! and where are we going? likely to be PUTIEN! seriously, they shd get me as their ambassador or something! it's like im very sure i will have no problem trying out all their dishes and loving them! YES this is how good PUTIEN's food taste, to me. =D

ahhhhh the crave sets in again. same goes for chicky rice.

whatever it is. tomorrow will be better. for sure. luck is an attitude.

2012-02-06T15:19:00.001+08:00

"it's gonna hurt because it matters." 可是不属于我的，就要学会手放开。

Pardon the shoes hahahahaha. Yay!

2012-02-05T22:40:00.001+08:00

2012-02-05T11:10:00.000+08:00

Oh, I think I got you figured out
Boy, I think I know what you are all about
Finally, I can finally see you pull the darkness right down over me
But now I see

Everybody knows that I'm a mess
Everybody knows you stole the heart from out my chest
Every thing you ever said was a lie
You're hiding behind your sweet, your sweet goodbyes

I'm black and blue 'cause I fell for you
You said you never would let me go
Ooh, how could I ever know?
I'm black and blue and in love with you
You said you never would let me fall
You never would let me fall, but I'm falling
You never would let me fall
You never would let me fall, but I'm falling

Oh, I know I'm never gonna stop
I keep burning time away until I hit the top
One day, I'll wake up and take up to the open skies
And I'll be the one with all the sweet goodbyes

I'm black and blue 'cause I fell for you

Falling, falling, over and over again
I'm always falling, over and over
But I'll get up, I'll make it
I need some time to un-break it
I feel like I'm falling, I'm falling far away from you
It's what I need to do

2012-02-05T01:48:00.001+08:00

I left my heart in _________.

2012-02-03T00:11:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday, pretty jia! =D

2012-02-01T08:37:00.001+08:00

For birthday this year, i would like to receive a standing steam iron as a present. =D

WTF i never seem to be able to get my apparels sleek straight with the normal iron!!!! Hate this!!!

2012-01-31T12:14:00.001+08:00

One of those days when i feel nothing is right. One of those days when i cant wait to save up enough for plastic surgery. One of those days when i look around myself and think, why is everyone shining except me? One of those days i feel like hiding under the blankets and not do anything.

Just so moodless.

2012-01-30T20:45:00.000+08:00

new song on loop! always love ingrid michaelson cause listening to her songs give me peace. HAHA. anyway this song is good cause i like the strings intro! and the lyrics! so apt!

Sitting in the back of the bus
Talking about nothing, oh, we're talking about us
Watching as the world goes hammering on, hammering on

You say that you got nothing left
There's nothing left in you to find
You're gonna ride it out, gonna wait it out, living to die
You're living to die

No one's gonna wait for you
No one's gonna wait for you

So do it now, do it right now
Don't waste a minute on the darkness and the pity sitting in your mind
And do it right now, and do it right now

Everything will stop on a dime
Everything will crash into itself in good time
Do you wanna beat your own heart, beat your own heart

Or leave it behind, or leave it behind?

No one's gonna wait for you
No one's gonna wait for you

So do it now, do it right now
Don't waste a minute on the darkness and the pity sitting in your mind
And do it right now, and do it right now

I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get right out of bed, get out of my bed
You're gonna stand up, you're gonna stand right up again, stand right up again
I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get right out of my bed, get out of my head
You're gonna stand up, you're gonna stand right, you're gonna stand up
You're gonna stand up

i will stand up.

2012-01-29T11:46:00.002+08:00

第一最好不相见，如此便可不相恋。
第二最好不相知，如此便可不相思。
第三最好不相伴，如此便可不相欠。
第四最好不相惜，如此便可不相忆。
第五最好不相爱，如此便可不相弃。
第六最好不相对，如此便可不相会。
第七最好不相误，如此便可不相负。
第八最好不相许，如此便可不相续。
第九最好不相依，如此便可不相偎。
第十最好不相遇，如此便可不相聚。

what will happen, will still happen. so fast and it's sunday already.

2012-01-28T14:38:00.001+08:00

Voluntary work this morning motivated me to commit to voluntary assignments! i wanna contribute more! anyone has lobangs, do let me know ok! preferably for children!

sat in kimmy's car and heard songs by the corrs! damn old school but i likey! =D

2012-01-27T13:38:00.001+08:00

I think guys who do lion dance are so damn cute. the only time i will appreciate ah bengs hahahahahahaha.

LNY cocktail now. Fucking busy and missed out on all the performances. Hate it! Rahhhh!

2012-01-26T17:56:00.001+08:00

你的忽冷忽热，我承受不了。

Hate it when my tuition kid cancels the tuition at the last minute! Should have known earlier about CCA, right? But like it when i have some spare time all of a sudden! =D

2012-01-25T22:56:00.000+08:00

只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意。

hahaha still not over the show yet.

2012-01-23T23:39:00.001+08:00

我心匪石，不可转也。我心匪席，不可卷也。

生死契阔，与子成说。执子之手，与子偕老。

happy dragon year, people! =DD

2012-01-22T11:26:00.002+08:00

明知道前面有火，却又要扑上去，只为了可能会有的温暖。

as stupid as it may be, this is how many girls are like. most of the time the warmth is just self delusion. it doesn't exist, at all. most of the time, it's one sided.

但曾相见便相知，相见何如不见时。
安得与君相决绝，免教生死作相思。

too addicted to 步步惊心 already. cried so hard since morning till late afternoon. everyone shd seriously go watch it! esp chinese students man. HAHA. many nice and good verses used inside the show. love it! and i cant help but to feel for the characters in it.

DRAGON YEAR! let's usher in the new year with vigor like the dragon!

2012-01-21T14:44:00.001+08:00

Angsty day. Felt like knocking people and cars down while driving. RAHHHHHHHHH!

Aged so much! =(

2012-01-20T12:09:00.001+08:00

What's a better way to start the day than having a nice lunch with the uni friends?

Yummy delicious duck at geylang! Goodness doubled with sauce-soaked yam rice! Shall get the full address soon!

2012-01-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

today must be the happiest day ever! =D money is really the motivation for everything! weeeeeeee! shared my joy! i swear i almost cried just now! and my boss told me "i know you can converse well and you are not the shy type.'' HAHAHAHA.

blogged a long post at work actually but the post just went missing. =( oh wells.

OFF tomorrow! WOOOOHOOOOO! got to run around the whole of singapore! braddell, sin ming, katong, ubi, clementi! i will try my very best not to take the cab!

and omg. watch the 步步惊心 also can cry wth

2012-01-18T17:40:00.001+08:00

利用工作来麻醉自己，今天我深深地体会了。

HAHAHAH ok la not so serious alright! just that today was a really busy day and i racked my brain for the whole day! and time passed really really quickly! and i didnt have time to think about other stuffs! which was just GREAT! =D just want this whole episode to be over. takes time. slowly but surely.

so many things i wanna do! NEED TO EARN MORE MONEY! should i change job? stock broker? HAHA! well well well! and i need to get down to planning the bali trip! oh gosh!!!

你亲手写上的离别　　
由不得我拒绝
这条路我们走得太匆忙　　
拥抱着并不真实的欲望　　
来不及等不及回头欣赏　　
木兰香遮不住伤

yingwen fighting! =) for all your dreams and goals and aims!

oh yes! happy birthday melody!

2012-01-18T01:30:00.000+08:00

It hasnt been long, but i hope you are well.

On a happier note, CNY clothes settled! Not going to be so 做作 like past few years. Actually thought of wearing cheongsam but decided against it after awhile. Simple will do.

and i really cant help but to feel irritated everytime after cruise meeting. listening to stupid people talk just makes my blood boil! i can never uds why is it so hard for graduates to enter stat boards! someone please enlighten me man. RAH!

whatever.

2012-01-16T23:04:00.001+08:00

Bloody tired. Omg. Wanted to do some updates and food review but, too tired. Trying to psycho my dad before i go to bed... Spain/portugal or egypt?!?!

2012-01-15T18:57:00.004+08:00

why am i so so so tired today!? napped till 6pm and still tired!? =(

felt so lethargic for the whole day and unmotivated. felt so tired about life, about everything. all i wanted was just a good nap.

"if i loved you less, you'd probably love me."

certainly one lesson to be learnt.

everybody shake, till your heart breaks.

2012-01-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

supposed to do work but am too zonked out right now.

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

2012-01-13T23:38:00.001+08:00

活在当下.

felt very sad all of a sudden. my dad is gonna be 60 years old this year and my mum 59. like they are so old already? and now all of us are busy with our own lives, leaving them alone most of the time. do they feel sad too? like they gave us all their attention for so so so many years even up till now, but we dont give them back the same thing? it seemed like just ytd that my dad joked to my younger brother about him being 60 years old when my younger bro enters the uni. then when my bro graduates and attends the ceremony his classmates may mistake my dad as our grandfather. in a blink of the eye, my younger bro is entering uni this coming august. time really flies. esp after 21. WTF.

iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability
iloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobabilityiloveprobability

HAHAHA. i will love it.

2012-01-12T11:03:00.001+08:00

I thought through the whole night ytd and i think i sort of know what i want.

Many people have questioned me why did i not accept the SQ offer. Alright, i admit there were some influence from some people that made me not want to go for the job. But the influence was minimal, i hope. Yes i like to travel alot and i dont like to stay in SG. Flying for SQ still means having to come home after every flight, back to SG. as in i would still wanna stay in SG for good. but perhaps in the near future, relocation would be better?

" no matter how sturdily built a structure is, it will still move with the wind."

Im sick of people telling me that they perceive me as a happy-go-lucky person. sad truth is, i am just the total opp of it. My colleagues once mentioned i look like i have no troubles or worries at all. In fact, i have so so so many struggles within myself i have cried myself to sleep so many nights i lost count of it. I have self esteem issues and i just cant stop comparing myself with others and you have no idea how depressed i feel after each round of the vicious comparison. I dont talk about fplastic surgery for fun. I mean it. Because truth is im just unhappy with myself. Unhappy why was i born this way, into this family, studying things i didnt like and working a job just because i was lazy to find another one. I am NOT as happy as you think. I smile because i dont want people to see the emotional side of me. friends tell me time will heal everything and that i must stay strong. But how long can we be strong? I wanna fall. I dont want to put up this strong front anymore. It sucks having to hold back my tears everytime i wanna cry just because " its not worth crying over such thing/person." I dont fucking care anymore. Im gonna give myself a full week to cry. Cry out all sort of frustrations and angst and whatnots. Cry at the fact that people are always not satisfied with whatever i do and put me up to compare with others. Cry at every single thing.

"but all endings are also beginning. we just don't know it at the time."

in 2011, i've gained alot but also lost alot. sometimes i think back and i thought to myself "why the fuck did i do such a thing." but i tell myself there is no chance for any regrets. we only live through each period once. screw it up, and that's it. i need to learn how to make decisions wisely, not impulsively like how i've always did.

我要拥有只属于我的幸福.

2012-01-11T08:21:00.001+08:00

有些女人很虚伪，很假。为了某些目的做出某些小动作。我呸。

2012-01-10T23:10:00.002+08:00

世上没有两全其美的东西。作好了决定，就只好认了，完全失去了资格或理由犹豫些什么的。like i always say, 一切都是自找的。你一旦下了定论，就是被淘汰在游戏外了。

after all these while i realized it's definitely not easy to build up the trust again once it has been broken before. evil thoughts just keep toxicating the mind, leaving me really really breatheless at times.

but whatever. i shall keep to my resolution and be happy every single day. furthermore, there are more reasons to be happy now! =)

and when you are feeling down, avril lavigne is always there for you!!! hahaha!

These feelings I can't take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It's getting harder to pretend
And I'm not coming back around again

2012-01-08T19:02:00.002+08:00

your words were hurtful, but i will bear with them.

rock on, people!

2012-01-05T15:31:00.001+08:00

Nothing? Oh yea, nothing.

这个世界很大很大，有一天你会飞去你想要去的地方，做你想做的事。

tomorrow shall be a sad day. goodnight people. =)

2012-01-04T00:05:00.001+08:00

Happy 2012! =)

these are some of the things i would like to acheive in the year 2012! not the whole list though...some things are better kept to myself i guess!

be more focused at work and do more readings to widen my shipping knowledge! not blogshopping at work hahahahaha.
attend at least 3 shipping courses, since it's free! muahahahahaha.

obtain my driving license!
take Exam P and Exam FM! at least!

get back to pole to keep myself fit!
take up golf!
run 2 times per week!
be a little tanner!
lose 2kg out of the 4kg i gained from HK!
get prettier and prettier until heads will turn! HAHAHA!

stop comparing. stop envying. stop being jealous of others.
be firm and not let others affect my mood so much.
be decisive.
curb my temper. stop getting pissed off at others.
treat everyone with love! <3

goodnight people. =) a song to share!

say i love you, and you're not listening.
and i keep waiting for you to take me.
you keep waiting to say what we have.

2012-01-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

我没有资格要求你为我做些什么的。我认了。

ANYWAY! resolutions! 2nd day into 2012 and one more added to the list! HAHA! next update! meanwhile im too emo cause work starts again tmr. SIGH!

2012-01-02T00:54:00.001+08:00

I am very very sorry.

first day into 2012 and i did not follow my resolutions already. Wtf.

music is a dangerous thing.

2011-12-31T00:05:00.003+08:00

What's your greatest regret for year 2011?

31st dec 2011 already and as usual, im feeling very very very down now. in approx 23 hours time everyone will be welcoming year 2012. i always have mixed feelings about the new year. sigh.

2011-12-28T09:45:00.001+08:00

And so, i've decided.

2011-12-27T15:43:00.003+08:00

how is it going?!

HAHA in the A&F sales person american accent. can anyone explain to me the concept of the A&F store? it's so dark inside i felt so crippled while walking around and the whole store, stinks? stinks of their housebrand perfume. or eau de toilette or whatever. don't understand. xinny and i thought we were in a club for a moment. but then again, A&F polo tee really fits you to a T! i remember my sis bought this A&F polo tee for me quite a few years back and at the first glance it was just a normal polo tee. but when you put it on, GOODNESS. the fit is woah!

opps digressed too much! been so long since i shared some nice food places! while i'm still waiting for the butter to melt (yes still baking), let's get this going!

First on the list is my all time favourite DIM SUM!

Swee Choon Tim Sum Restaurant Pte Ltd
185/ 187/ 189/ 191 Jalan Besar
Singapore 208882
Tel: 62257788

Business Hours:
Monday - Saturday 6pm - 10am
Sunday and Public Holiday 6pm - 12 noon
Close on Tuesday Night

one other good thing about this dim sum place is that it opens for the late night owls! so fret not it you feel hungry in the middle of the night! ring your friends up, and get your butts down to swee choon for some dim sum lovin'!

so sorry i cannot really remember the name of the dishes but you can see they are all quite generic? and they have pictures on their menu so prob you can do some mix n match?
siew mai, har gao, beancurd roll... their 拉面 is really good though. just order plain one! and oh yar you can give their custard bun a miss. they are pretty famous for their mee sua kueh which i tried the previous time i went but i didn't really like it. still. no harm trying!

Next up, raffles city!

Out of the Pan

Raffles City Basement

Tel: 6431 6156

Business Hours:

10.00am to 10.00pm (Sunday to Thursday)
10.00am to 10.30pm (Friday, Saturday and Eve of Public Holiday)

haha this was quite new to me cause i've never tried this before although passing by so many times! if you like crepe, you will like this place! the serving portion is also just nice! 2 rolls for each person and good to share! featured below are the kimchi pork and peking duck! nice nice!

and off we go to clarke quay for some chilling out!
Cuba Libre
177a River Valley Road, Clarke Quay
Singapore 179021
Tel: 6338 8982

This restaurant serves Cuban cuisine and i really love the set up of the whole place! i find the food very very similar to mexican cuisine? haha! but doesnt really matter i guess! cause as long as the food taste good, why bother about the cuisine? =)

They have pretty good mojito ($20 during happy hour) and martinis ($18 for 2) too! i was craving for martini after that day even though i had 2 glasses of it! and also i think they are having some one-for-one promotion thing for the main courses! check it out ya! u can also take a nice stroll along the river after dinner! how nice!

and to end off the post, here's the fat me with the very nice carbonara at INDULGE!

and opps! did i forget to wish you people a merry xmas?! =)

dreams are for fools, they'll let you down.

2011-12-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

everything is changing. not going to find it back anymore.is fickle-mindedness also human nature? sigh.

anyway! baked for the whole day today! baking is one good activity to help you forget whatever troubles you have momentarily!

and if you guys have no idea where to go for a meal, why not try INDULGE at the cathay?

because their cabonara, is really really good. like really good!

2011-12-26T00:08:00.001+08:00

now i know. what im being treated as and how much im worth.

My Boyfriend Vs. A Boyfriend Pillow « Thought Catalog

2011-12-24T12:36:00.000+08:00

My Boyfriend Vs. A Boyfriend Pillow « Thought Catalog

HAHAHA this is another good writing. love it.

won't tell anybody how you turn my world around
i won't tell anybody how your voice is my favourite sound.

don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night.
you are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight.

2011-12-23T20:59:00.004+08:00

installing a cctv above my work desk, are you fucking serious?! ARGH. this is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard.

anyway! today is the start of my long break, 23 - 27th! quite a good start i guess! managed to solve the problem(thanks to the blur me) in the end! but i diarrhoea-ed like 3 times?! i must remember not to drink milk tea in the morning anymore!

sometimes i really really wonder. why do people hold on to someone who doesn't give a damn about them, and forsake the other one who is always willing to give more. is it because things/people are always better when they are not within your reach? oh wells. i have no idea. prob just human nature.

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there

2011-12-22T11:34:00.001+08:00

最痛的距离，是你不在我身边却在我心里.

i am the cause of my own downfall seriously. very grateful that my daddy tried to help, though i think my mummy was secretly happy about it. what to do. only have myself to blame. sigh. a really really messed up week.

it's alright yingwen. sleep, wake up tomorrow and put on your mask again. everything will be fine. everything will be good. =)

brighter than sunshine!
and i'm happy for you. =)

beginning of Dec i think! update on cuba libre soon! =)

2011-12-21T23:16:00.001+08:00

you make me feel...

2011-12-20T10:56:00.001+08:00

so basically as i previously blogged, Singaporeans are flooding to HK. it's all reflected on FB. i have at least 2 friends every month going to HK. why HK?!

cause HK is so so so AWESOME that everyone shd go visit, at least once in their lives HAHAHAHA wtf. whatever. dont bother about me. i just miss HK so much that i'm starting to talk nonsense. was chatting with sheue the other day and can you believe it, we miss our heater in the room even?!?! miss waking up to the sunlight shining into our room and waiting for each other to be done lazing on the bed. HAHA. we would wake up at like 12 plus and only go wash up at 3. HAHA. that must be the good life.

then on sat, sheue told me about her and melody learning crocheting from amanda! i must say the 3 of them are the most hands-on girlfriends ive ever seen! making cute little stuffs for their boyfriends as xmas gift?! i was saying i felt touched already though im not the one receiving it hahaha. no wonder they have boyfriends! looks like i have alot alot alot to learn from them!

and my parents are so cute. seriously. told me about some bizzare things that happened to them today and they were so damn happy about it.hahahaha. now my mum is saying the fengshui at my balcony is superb. HAHAHAHAHA. anyone wanna come my place and immerse yourself in the good fengshui? my parents really 越老越可爱 yo! but yes. they are still money-minded. there was once i transfered their allowance one week late and my dad actually sms-ed me to ask about it! NO he didn't ask if i was facing any financial difficulties, he just asked where has the money gone to.

had my 5th piece of chocolate log cake within 3 weeks. sigh. this is not helping at all!!!! must not let facial and lose of appetite go down the drain!!! sigh. craving for chicky rice AGAIN.

alright this post doesnt make any sense cause im having a mixture of feelings right now and my brain isnt functioning properly. oh yes some people have been asking me hw did i manage to get through the sq interview. maybe i shd do a post on it! sq cabin crew hopefuls, here's the tip! HAHA kidding.

actually the purpose of me blogging now is to tell you guys,

when it all falls down, the only way is UP, UP, UP.

yea. that's about it. feeling so energetic again FML. when will this whole insomnia thing end. because im studying now, here's a nerdy pic of me to end the post.

hahaha no la. choosing photos to upload on fb so might as well post here, right?

2011-12-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

Do you need me, like I need you too?
And do you want me, like I want you?
Are you passing me by?

hating the rain! felt so damn cold for the whole day! gonna wear an extra cardigan to sleep tonight! =(

many thoughts.

2011-12-19T01:34:00.000+08:00

standing still.

ahhhh the weekend past just like that! way too fast! i didnt even have time to catch up on sleep!? i think i only slept 10 hours in total for the whole week! =( insomnia!!! reminds me of the torturous period in HK! also lose sleep for a few weeks!

but this weekend has been quite fulfiling? like i came up with some plans for myself, both self improvement and travelling plans! despite many ppl telling me cambodia is dangerous, i would really really love to go there after my probations ends in febuary! any kind soul who is willing to join me? cause im quite sure i wont be allowed to go onto the plane if my parents know that im going alone. =(

so as you would know, im back to playing the piano cause i think my standard has dropped quite a bit after teaching all those young lil kids! better start practising again before i cant even play simple pieces! gonna try to learn this 3 pieces by next jan!

and i've constantly been mistaken that im from china. WTF. which part of me looks like im a chinese chinese?!

fuck you la. rah!!!

2011-12-18T01:21:00.001+08:00

Sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow.
我卖了一个世界却换来灰烬.

anyway, thank you so much. =)

2011-12-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

at times like this, i'm really glad that my parents spent so much money to let me learn how to play the piano.

playing some pieces on the piano helped me feel better. it may be temporary, but at least i could get away from all the sadness and pain for just awhile. too much for me to take it.

let me get some sleep, let my appetite come back.

2011-12-13T22:04:00.001+08:00

why do i spend so much time thinking about things, when you dont even see any importance in it?

love cannot be faked, because lies kill love. how true!!!!

ANYWAY this afternoon was funny.was complaining to my colleagues about someone then i was like super super super agitated. we ordered nasi briyani and the uncle kept looking at me. so my colleague stared at him and asked him why. he asked me "why are you crying my dear?" HAHA i wasn't crying! he said he could see that i looked really pissed off! and told me to take things easy. HAHAHA maybe i should. long way to go, more to learn. have been reading too many sad posts recently and i sort of got affected by it. haha.

and my students love to tell me horror stories. *CRIES OUT LOUD!!!*

on another note...

how? =(

2011-12-12T15:49:00.001+08:00

It's not easy, and you will never know. Dont think i can take it anymore.
sigh. So bored at work! Nth to do and the last meeting of this year is this coming wed. Meaning the last 2 weeks of dec is empty. I have nothing to do. Omg.
oh and recently my bro's friends told him they saw me at zouk. Like wth?! They said i made a comment like 'hey lets go over there" and sounded bimbotic. Omg omg thats nt me ok! I dont club yo!

2011-12-11T23:06:00.001+08:00

korea is really the kingdom of beauty and skincare! their sheetmasks fit my face so so perfectly!!! (y)

have u all ever felt this way before? like some people are nice to you or try to get near to you because they have some personal motives? how do you deal with such people?

hong kong! i wanna go. =(

really getting old."and i'm dying from these exit wounds."

2011-12-10T19:19:00.001+08:00

心里的伤疤永远都抹去不掉。
things will never be the same again. people change. expectation changes. priority changes.

and the worst thing is, people lie. had enough of all these stupid shit.

on a happier note, i was talking to my younger brother just now and he happily showed me the 99 straw hearts his lovely gf had folded for him for some monthsary thingy.

me: why didnt u ask her how come nv fold 999 hearts?
brother: there's no rationale i guess because love...is irrational.
me: -__-""""

2011-12-09T19:58:00.001+08:00

Best day ever. No money to eat, no food for dinner and fell down which ended up in a 2cm dented DEEP cut. My shoe is stained with blood now. Well done.

and you know what i've learnt so far?

looking hot and good is important for my job. yes i work for an association and we are decent. our members are decent too.
it doesn't pay to be kind. because kind=naive.
female friends lie, especially those insecure freaks. you know what? YOU SUCK. if you feel guilty, then YES IM TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU BITCH.

you know when i fell down just now i felt like crying so so so much. not because it was painful (it's hurting nw though). i just felt like the whole bloody world is crumbling down. but i tell myself i'm more than this.

this must be my good life. absolutely.

save tonight.

oh, review on a cuba restaurant soon and out of the pan.

2011-12-08T23:13:00.001+08:00

should i stay, or should i go?

2011-12-07T10:46:00.001+08:00

忍耐，等待，期盼，换来的是你不诚实的爱。
失眠，流泪，沮丧，换来的是你的忽冷忽热。
想念，留恋，心碎，才知道你心里的空缺，是因为没有她。
我的存在对你来说，只不过是个配角，一个玩偶，因为没有她。
你的“我要给你最好的“，你的“不要想那么多“，是因为没有她。
由始至终你所做的事，都是因为没有她。

emo shit aside, i still havent gotten my script for the emcee tonight and im irritated. Rahhh!!! And due to different standards in the term "normal dress", i think im underdressed for the event. HATE to be underdressed. Wtf. Who the hell puts cocktail on a wednesday night?!

2011-12-06T23:07:00.001+08:00

对你，我是彻底的失望。绝望。
company cocktail tmr! It's always this kind of events that make me regret not learning driving earlier. Argh! Nw that cab fare has risen, guess i can only drag my tired body tmr to tale public transport. Oh wells. Sad life.

2011-12-05T23:16:00.001+08:00

people can't seem to understand how much this means to me. why!?

sinking into another level of depressed mood.

2011-12-04T22:07:00.001+08:00

sucks to be misunderstood by someone you bother. sucks to be me as well cause i just like to spite people and cause myself to be misunderstood.

that aside, this weekend has got to be the most nerve-wrecking one.

hahahaha. =)

2011-12-02T23:39:00.001+08:00

i love my dad!!! =D

You Are The Sun « Thought Catalog

2011-12-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

You Are The Sun « Thought Catalog

this is so so so well-written. read it for like 6 times and still in awe of it. favourite sentences:

I’ll still sit by your side and will your storms to quit brewing. Anything to make them stop brewing.

Your selfishness so belittling that one day, I’ll become too small to be the Earth. So you’ll take my place, and I’ll become your moon...On rare occasions, we’ll still align. I will pass through your shadow and bask in your sunlight; my face awash in gold and red and I’ll remember the way things were. But lunar eclipses, they’re few and far between and they’re not enough to save us.

I’ll be Pluto: downgraded and disregarded and cast aside. “You’re not even a planet anymore,” you’ll say, and I’ll know we’ll never be the same again. I’ll feel really, really small.

you’ll be impressed by the amount of light I had inside of me. You had no idea just how much.

Because you are all of the planets, and all of the moons, and all of the matter; you’re all that matters. You are the sun; and you’ll just keep spinning and spinning and spinning.

and you will just keep spinning and spinning and spinning, oblivious to the planet that has always been around, waiting for your glance to meet hers.

luckily i read this at work.

2011-11-30T14:45:00.001+08:00

This is not my life.

crying myself to sleep almost everynight, thinking about what went wrong and the times when things were right. recalling all the hurtful words you hurled at me, leaving me in pain and whatever i did to try salvage the situation were in vain. the doubts u have about me, the bad light you put me in...

i am not going to cry to sleep tonight.

2011-11-30T00:08:00.001+08:00

rahhhhhhhh!!!

2011-11-26T21:04:00.001+08:00

you know people always say it's sometimes better to not know the truth? i think it works the other way round for me. all i need to do is just cry it out.

anyway. 眷了，倦了. 不喜欢被抛到后脑勺，不喜欢被当候补，不喜欢不真诚的关心，不喜欢空欢喜一场. 可是我明白为什么，也领悟了. 从今天开始我会珍惜身旁的一切人与事物, 不辜负他们对我的好. =)

like i always say, please let 2011 pass quickly while it's still good! (y)

and i have completd aerial hoop 1! weee!

i wanna be pretty. no matter what. i can feel my prayers coming true.
back to the minutes. FML. *CRIES*

2011-11-23T12:52:00.001+08:00

save tonight.

2011-11-18T13:58:00.001+08:00

Sometimes,I really hate myself. For leaving myself at HongKong and I can't seem to find me back. Getting really tired of this. It has been 5 months since im back here in Singapore but i still miss HK so so much. I would even wake up sometimes and think that im still in room 532 of hall IV. All the memories still so close to me, stitched in my mind. I wanna come back to this reality and feel part of it.

take this wine and drink with me, let's delay our misery.
but nothing ever happens, and i wonder.

2011-11-16T10:20:00.001+08:00

4 more days to go, and my sis will be officially married to raj. Looking at how far they have come to, braving all objections and hurtful comments from my parents and relatives, i feel really really happy for them. That they managed to hold on tight together and and go through all kinds of shit together. That they didnt give in and break down. After so many years of chaos, finally, everything has come to an end. A happy ending. I never thought i will feel so down, cause i am not close to my sis at all. But looking at hw teary her eyes were 2 weeks ago while we were looking at our baby photos, i somehow felt like crying too. Shared the room with her for the past 12 years and soon, the whole room will be mine. My room is small, but it feels quite empty everything my sis is on night duty. Nw that shes moving out soon, i prob need some time to get used to it. Cant believe im saying this but yar. Oh wells.

2011-11-16T00:16:00.001+08:00

还能相信吗?<\br>

2011-11-12T12:11:00.001+08:00

我想成为一个很厉害的人，因为有了我，让这个世界，而有一点点的不一样；

而我的世界，不过就是你的心

2011-11-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.

2011-11-07T21:56:00.001+08:00

2011-11-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

i've had enough. 我已经不在相信了. hate being second to my priority. WHY!? it's really time.

some guys ought to be shot seriously. attached already still go around asking girls out for meals. msg other girls when the gf is not around. WTF. what are you trying to do?! can you just cherish your gf?! it's not easy to find a nice girl, alright?! totally fucked up. and sometimes i wish i have some kind of laser power! laser those wandering eyes of guys! make them go blind! see how they can oogle at girls!

my blood is like boiling now and im feeling super giddy again. FML.

nvm. nice song shall save the day.

‘你最好放过自己，趁双脚还有力气，快逃出这可怕地狱。’

2011-11-02T17:10:00.001+08:00

Saw this on twitter

谁让你等？不是你如此沉迷的爱着的那个人，而是你自己的痴心幻想与倔强执拗。

2011-10-30T12:49:00.000+08:00

FOOD FOOD FOOD! =)

some people would have known that i'm working at tanjong pagar and indeed, there are LOTS of great food at that area! i've heard about them but didnt really have much chances to eat at those places because my boss is quite strict with our lunch time! only 1 pathetic hour! how to roam around?! =( so knowing that im a food junkie (some sort hahaha), my sweet colleagues decided to rush our way and brought me to this little thai place as a celebration for my birthday!

MART BOULEVARD
8 Shenton Way, #01-08
Temasek Tower, Singapore

the cute deco! haha! we sort of like shriek when we entered cause the deco was so pretty! and we were really lucky to get the seats inside! you can go there for drinks at night too! it's really a great place to chill!

this is pad thai with prawns! pad thai seldom go wrong! they also have it with chicken!

this wasnt what i ate but my colleagues told me it's nicer as compared to many other thai food places! so i guess it's worth a try? =)

green thai curry with chicken!

and this is what i had! green thai curry as well, but the veggie version! decided to have mine with rice noodles! it was goooooooooood! hahahah! they have rice, vermicilli, glass noodles and rice noodles for you to choose! very good for people like me who doesnt like rice cause i have other alternatives! oh and the green curry is yummy! not too thick and they are super generous with the ingredients! =)

ordered this fish cake to share! personally i quite like it cause it has a strong spices taste! but for people who doesnt like spices, do not order this. HAHA. the smell and taste of it is quite overwhelming!

thai ice tea with milk! NICE!

and this is lemongrass tea with honey! very refreshing!!! love it!

so yeap! the food here is really good! hahaha! and i like it that it isnt a very big cafe/restaurant for that cosy feel! =D and the most impt thing is, the prices are super affordable! like the curry was only $5.50? haha! dont really know the exact price cause it was a treat from my colleagues! but cheap and nice food, attractive right!

go try it! hahaha! =)

2011-10-28T10:54:00.001+08:00

So long since i last blog properly already! Have some nice food places to share with you guys! Thai, korean and yong tau foo! =)))
time passes really quickly! It's going to be november soon! Cant wait for the year to end! End while its good! Hope not to ha e any bad memories for this year. 2011 is gonna be the best year for me! Hahaha! Actually i still have many unsettled stuffs for the year, but i tell myself, 2012 shall be a brand new start for me. Im gonna get everything on track and improve myself in every single ways i can. Left 2.5 years more for me to save up for plastic surgery. hahaha. And friends around me are putting.braces!!! So tempted to put it too cause usually people look better after their braces HAHAHA. Its like you know, when i think back, i havent really spent alot to improve my appearance? Like my hair is relatively good enough so i dont have to rebond or perm or dye it and my teeth arent crooked to the extend that it needs braces. Think i saved quite alot for my parents as compared to my other friends? Haha!
but its also because of this i feel like i dont look good enough? Like its not perfect? Hahaha i feel like i have to spend some money so that i will look presentable? Oh wells i dont know! =( its a constant internal struggle with myself when it comes to physical appearance.
had a GREAT dream ytd night that made me feel full of hope now! Hahaha! But feeling extremely tired and worn out i dont know why! Perhaps ive been trying too hard to prove others' perception of me wrong. Its very tiring when the other party keeps misinterpreting your intentions and morph it into something not true at all. Honestly speaking, how well can you know a person? Theres limit because im sure everyone is a 2-faced to a certain level. Dont judge too quickly! Time will show everything! And i strongly believe in this.
shall cont later! Tok much thoughts running in my mind thus this disoriented post. Hahahaha.

2011-10-23T23:15:00.001+08:00

and so, im now 22. i wish for good health, good career prospects, look pretty and to be happy. other things else, i dont give a damn anymore.

2011-10-21T17:43:00.001+08:00

I need to live for others else i find my life so meaningless. Sigh.

2011-10-16T01:05:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHAHA. our favourite 崩溃 look since sec 4;16 back then. and today we celebrated our 22nd, with the same look. AHHHHHH.

2011-10-15T15:53:00.004+08:00

feeling really really bored now. feeling too neutral to blog about any emotional matters. so ive decided i shall blog about my favourite home cooked food! =D the only thing i like about staying home on weekends is that my mum cooks both lunch and dinner! and will always cook some other random stuffs for me to eat. YUMZ.

love the black black meat and the veggie!

虾酱鸡 and veggie!!

egg with minced meat, some melon and fish!

cabbage with mock abalone, fried chicken pineapple in tomato
sauce, FISH soup! i love fish soup!

and today! fish, assorted veggie, egg with crabmeat.

yeap! these are the few meals my mum had cooked for the past few weekends! and yes. im a big eater. look at the amount she puts onto my favourite plate! i love eating on this plate cause it's like so organized and clean! hahaha! craving for some bitter gourd with egg, brinjal, and capsicums! AHHHH!

2011-10-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

another busy week gonna be over soon! today was a crazy rush. phew. i really need to tell myself that work is work. dont think about it at home! ahhhhh!

anyway, the past few days have been =((((((. unhappiness and more unhappiness. never ending. when will all these unhappiness go away? it's like, i feel so restless and hopeless about my life? like in the morning when i was about to put on my blusher, my mind goes like "who am i putting blusher for? myself? whats the point." and i just put the blusher back onto the table. feeling so super tired. about every single thing. ahhh fuck it. life will get better for me. year 2011 is supposed to be my best year ever.

我选择去洛杉矶你一个人要飞向巴黎
尊重各自的决定维持和平的爱情
相爱是一种习题在自由和亲密中游移
你问过太多次我爱不爱你

black black heart send给你我的心
计划是分开旅行啊为何像结局
我明白停在你的怀里却不一定在你心里
巴黎下了一整天雨...

我不想要去证明也不知道怎么证明
相爱是两人事情我不喜欢你怀疑
怀疑爱是可怕的武器谋杀了爱情
我在这里本来是晴朗好天气
black black heart send给你我的心
计划是分开旅行啊为何像结局
我明白停在你的怀里却不一定在你心里
巴黎下了一整天雨...

（分开去旅行...）

(两个人分开去旅行...)

休息一下不需要那么的密集
不必每一秒钟都粘在一起
你问我爱不爱你这个不是个问题
早就说过需要空间才能继续
我也真的不希望你离去
我们就试试看各走各的路
嘘～别哭
这个只是各走各各走各各走各各走各各走各的路

black black heart send给你我的心
计划是分开旅行啊为何像结局
我明白停在你的怀里却不一定在你心里
巴黎下了一整天雨...

song on loop for the past 1 week. on a lighter note, ive completed my course on Principles of Shipping Operations and Practices! the 13 hell lessons finally, over! next up will be bunkering course and that shd be all for this year! 3 more courses next year! gonna take as many course as possible during my stay in SSA. the aim for 2013: THOME. =)

2011-10-10T10:46:00.001+08:00

where can you run to escape from yourself?

have the urge to cry again. The truth gets clearer and clearer, the pain gets tougher and tougher to tolerate.

2011-10-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

我明白，停在你怀里，却不一定在你心里。

我明白.

2011-10-08T23:22:00.001+08:00

I brought my blurness to a whole new level. Sigh. And i seriously need to learn how to cross the roads.

2011-10-07T18:20:00.001+08:00

Work sucked so badly today. but i will hang in there. i may be the youngest but that doesnt give you the right to target me. ive already showed my displeasure straight into your face. the next time this kind of thing happens again, im not going to give u anymore face.

i will be happy. i must be happy.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

2011-10-06T10:56:00.001+08:00

The feelings, once so strong and passionate, seems like forever ago. The sweet nothings you said, the laughters and smiles that we shared, seems like forever ago. The sweet gestures of you, when the whole world was only me and you, seems like forever ago. The eager waiting for your calls/messages in the dark and somewhat lonely nights, seems like forever ago. The urge of wanting to see you, losing myself in your arms, seems like forever ago.

I felt like I could be the happiest girl on earth, i felt so in love. But it all feels like, forever ago.

It's amazing how everything feels like forever ago! Time is passing too quickly! Gonna be 22 in 2 weeks time. =( getting older and older feels scary! and i always get super sad when my birthday is nearing. like i was thinking about it on the mrt just now and i almost cried. OH MYYYYYY.

2011-10-06T07:46:00.001+08:00

我要变美! =(need more tuitions and piano! so that i can save up more during the next 3 years!!! RAHHHH!

2011-10-05T15:37:00.001+08:00

Why do we cry over the same thing over and over again?Life is really unpredictable. I shall pray hard that nothing bad happens.Live your life to the fullest. Really.

2011-10-02T23:19:00.001+08:00

time is slipping away,
away from us so stay,
stay with me i can make,
make you glad you came.

gala dinner last thursday! first time attending such a big event with more than 1300 people. very crowded, very noisy. quek tried to identify certain people to me. but i forgot every single one of them already.

yes. looks are of utmost importance. =(

2011-10-01T23:44:00.002+08:00

feeling it again. so sick of it.

2011-10-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

busy week over! glad it's all over.

2011-09-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

didnt want things to turn out this way.

but oh wells. too sick to do anything much.

2011-09-25T22:01:00.001+08:00

i dont want to be the second best.

2011-09-25T11:31:00.001+08:00

My wish came true! Rem i always wanted to take mc? Ive fallen ill for real this time round. And its so irritating! Argh! Sore throat and flu is terrible! =( sigh.

2011-09-25T00:45:00.001+08:00

tired. omg.

2011-09-23T21:00:00.001+08:00

i must have 得罪 some 小人 at work. seriously. =(

anyway! did a personality test during work today and it says im a "technician". HAHAHA LOL-ed when i saw that my personality was this. it mentioned something like i'm someone who's perfectly fine with routine. are you joking!? and the results showed that my personality at this point in time suits my current job because i don't have to conform to anything. ANOTHER JOKE. but, that's a good news, isn't it? means i can be myself at work? it also says im someone who is very stubborn and will stick to my decision not because i think it's the best, but prob because i have put in much effort during the process in making the decision and i dont want to let my efforts go down the drain. THIS IS VERY VERY TRUE.

trying to make myself as busy as possible. i need like a thousand mugs of beer right now.

But if I still believe you love me
Maybe I'll survive
And if it's alright I'll still be loving you
Cause I cant break it to my heart

2011-09-23T10:41:00.001+08:00

Things i wanna do once i get my pay:Clear off my credit card debtReturn moneySet aside money for birthday presentSet aside money for insuranceBuy concessionPay phonebillGive parents allowancePlan my birthday tripWorking life sucks.

2011-09-22T23:24:00.001+08:00

i really dont understand my parents. what the fuck seriously. stop telling me off for wearing contact lens for prolonged hours and show me news report on ppl with serious eye infection due to contact lens. stop telling me to save up for lasik. it's not possible to save when you are taking so much money from me.

the next time they do this again, im gonna snap at them. total mood spoiler. was already in a bad mood after work+course and they had to make everything worse. well done. THE BEST PART WAS, there wasnt any food at home. give them money already, cant they just stock up some food at home?! i can feel gastric pain coming. wtf wtf wtf. i was like super hungry cause i didnt have proper dinner and to my dismay, i couldnt find any food at home. hungry yingwen = angry yingwen. very very irritating. and it doesnt help that my blood pressure was low again.

SEE. a bad day totally. but no. i need to calm down. take it easy yingwen. breathe in and out.

2011-09-22T09:54:00.001+08:00

早晨的大雨，让我的心情更加沉重。真的好想拿病假，呆在房里，窝在棉被，什么都不去管，不去想。我知道逃避不是办法，可是做什么事都心不在焉，很不好受。

2011-09-21T17:33:00.001+08:00

Everybody hurts some day.

2011-09-19T19:00:00.001+08:00

something is wrong when i dont feel any comfort at all after eating my comfort food.

i have been feeling very down since june, but today is the ultimate. it was like that night back in HK. like you want to stop crying but you couldnt. and all u could do was just to let it all out and cry and cry and cry. because you dont know when you will stop. you thought you would be strong enough to handle all these but everything just came crumbling down on you. sounds like a break-up? no. breakup didnt even feel so bad.

我就是放不下. 真的希望能哭过就好了.

2011-09-19T00:25:00.002+08:00

a great weekend once again. =) pictures of the past week first.

ikea last week! SO SO SO NICE. wanna eat at ikea again! soon!

treated dee dee to ichiban sushi! haha! his standard photo everytime before a meal.

mine!

this popiah from maxwell food center is damn good! but too spicy! ahhh!

meal boxes at bakerzin!! the jap curry wasnt up to expectation! RAH! but the cake was good though!

ASF seminar and meeting at marina mandarin on friday! THE VERY BAD DAY. grrrrrr.

dinner at hai tien lo @ pan pacific hotel after the meeting! really good food man. omg.

dinner tonight! at pu tien!